When the skies are dark & the world is quiet I sit alone and think of you.It seems surreal that's it's been so long since I've seen your face or heard your laughter.Life keeps moving at it's usual fast pace but without you here it's like time  standing still.The season's still change, the snow still falls,Spring still wakens from her deep winter sleep with flowers blooming all around but it's not the same since you've been gone.I know you'll be waiting for me ,to show me a place like none I've ever seen.A Mother's prayer for her child whispered in the darkest hours of night.Peace is in knowing that you are surrounded by the Angels,safe in their loving embrace until I can hold you in my arms again.Until that time know this my son,I love you with all my heart...Momma

Really???You're like 3 years old!!

Wow!!! Talk  about  an attitude!!.My daughter's developed one at the tender  age of 3 & a 1/2.LOL.I know from whom she's learned this ,her big sissy of course.Yea the almost 13 yr old one who's currently showing signs of possession for which no amount of Midol will ever cure, but imagine you've just scolded your pre-schooler.You expect the tearful run down the hallway followed by them throwing themselves on their bed followed by those oh so  pitiful audible sobs.Instead you get a child  who  turns around hand's on her hips,flames shooting from her eyes doing the head bob, spinny thing telling you "You're MEAN Mommy! I DON'T like you!You HAVE to be nice to ME!!" Oh really??And do you know how hard it was to keep a straight face??Ima gonna have my hands full with this little girl that's for sure but she's got spunk and as a female that's a good thing!!Of course not even an hour later I was back in her good graces by being "The best Mommy in the world..I love you Mommy!"this was while sharing some of Mom's homemade Oatmeal Butterscotch cookies.People could learn a lot from a 3 year old,too bad all the world's problems can't be solved over a plate of Momma's cookies and a shared glass of milk<3

If you've ever walked past your fruit bowl and noticed that your bananas have turned a nice shade of black & the only things enticed into wanting to eat them is the swarm of fruit flies that has formed a cloud over these waaay over ripe, once yellow tropical delights,,then fret no more as to what to do with them..2 words..Banana Bread!!I found this recipe online and the bread came out wonderfully full of banana flavor ,very moist and it's very easy to make.You can add walnuts if you like,I left them out simply because my kids generally don't like lumps in their food and it be a waste of perfectly good walnuts.If you're noticing my coffee mug. yes I am the Queen of Everything..<in my house anyways and no one better ever forget it..heehee!>Here's the recipe I used,tweak it anyway you like but I made no changes to it and it was perfect:)

2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup butter
3/4 cup brown sugar
2 eggs, beaten
2 1/3 cups mashed overripe bananas
Directions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Lightly grease a 9x5 inch loaf pan.
In a large bowl, combine flour, baking soda and salt. In a separate bowl, cream together butter and brown sugar. Stir in eggs and mashed bananas until well blended. Stir banana mixture into flour mixture; stir just to moisten. Pour batter into prepared loaf pan.
Bake in preheated oven for 60 to 65 minutes, until a toothpick inserted into center of the loaf comes out clean. Let bread cool in pan for 10 minutes, then turn out onto a wire rack.

Mmmmm..Apples!!

Ok so I haven't blogged in a while mostly because life keeps me running non-stop.I've been a busy girl  doing our canning for the year.It's getting into the fall apple season and you know what that means..apple pie,apple crisp,apply jelly,caramel apple's,apple sauce,apple butter..well you get it ..it's all about the APPLES!!!I went out and bought 50 lbs of macintosh apples that were on sale for $3.99 a bag at BJ's and turned 32 lbs of that that into 12 jars of applesauce & 6 jars of applebutter.If you've never made apple butter it is so worth the 12-14 hours  it takes to cook it down,way better than the stuff you buy in the store.I'd put the exact written recipe here but as with most recipe's I follow I winged it with amounts and that's the cool thing about recipes you can tweak them to your hearts delight to make them your own.First you need a crock pot,you can cook it in a dutch oven or on the stove top but because of the time needed crock pot is your best bet.I started with a cupful of spiced apple cider 2 cups of my homeade applesauce,filled the crock almost to the top with sliced apple<if you cut it more into "chips" it cooks down a little faster,added about a cup of sugar to start,some cinnamon,nutmeg,allspice & cloves,set it to low for 8-10 hours,stirring here & there and then crank it up to high for another 4 hours or so.You'll know when it's done when your spoon stands straight up & down or if you pull it thru and the applebutter doesn't fill back into the space.After that you can tweak your sugar & spices to taste while your butter is still hot ..I got 8 1/2 pints out of mine so plenty to last awhile and it makes a great gift basket addition.My next venture will be pumpkin butter but being early September pie pumpkin's aren't out yet so I'm being patient ......and then I will post a blog killing you with everything PUMPKIN...until then enjoy them apples:)

My son the Sailor

Well after 8 long weeks I'm proud to say I have a Sailor!!!I've always been proud of my son but well you know what I mean.It was an awesome experience to view a Naval Graduation made even more so by the fact that Jon was chosen as the Honor Grad for his division.We had VIP treatment & got to spend a little time with him before graduation.He received a letter of commendation & a gold Navy coin & of course it's all caught on video.That'll be something for him to share with his own kids someday.I know he did all the work but I do take pride that I've raised some pretty wonderful kids.Jon's probably going career military which I can see him doing & I wish him much success in whatever he chooses to do.It's one of the great joys of being a parent ,to see your children grow in to successful adults.He hasn't lost his sense of humor that's for sure.People asked me if he's changed a lot,my reply" No! He's still exactly how he's always been except now he know's how to fold laundry"lol.I've now joined the ranks of being a Proud Navy Mom..God Bless our Military & their families!!HOOYAH!!!GO NAVY!!!

It seems almost surreal that it's been almost 2 years since my beloved son left us to dance with the Angels.A lot has happened in these 2 years and it's always bitter sweet that he hasn't been here to go through all these new experiences.His little brother left for Navy boot camp last month.Danny would think this is the greatest thing ever.Danny loved when the recruiter's would come to the High School.He'd come home all excited with all the neat little ;goodies" they'd give him.I still have all of his beloved military treasures.With Danny having Down Syndrome there was the  reality that he would not be able to join but why take away his dream and I never told him he couldn't.I don't cry as much as I used to.They say the years 2-4 are the "reality" years and you start to accept.I can accept that it was his time to leave us,given the disease that took him,the alternative would have been life lived as a virtual prisoner. I don't know what the lesser of two evil's would be, my selfish desire to still have my son here with me or to unselfishly let him go knowing he would not have had a good quality of life.I guess the higher power's that be compassionately made that decision for him and thankfully he left us peacefully with no pain.Danny's 22nd birthday is coming up in April,we all keep getting older and he's forever "almost" 20.He passed 12 days before his 20th birthday so that was a very hard day to get through because he should have been at home eating cake and picking out his birthday present.Last birthday when he'd have  been 21 his eldest brother wanted to take him out for a non-alcoholic beer ,he had been planning that for a few years and it's heart-breaking he never got the chance.I am thankful for the video's and picture's of my boy.I can see his face,his smile,hear his voice & laughter,nothing ever takes away the heart-ache you just learn to live with it as your constant companion.Life is never the same,you are never the same....

The Military Mom

Angels among us..

This is about my angel boy Danny who truly was a shining star to anyone who had, had the honor of knowing him..Danny was born April 10th 1989 when I was 21 .For most of the pregnancy I had a feeling something wasn't quite right,couldn't put my finger on it and my Doctor said it was just 2nd time Mom jitter's.Danny wasn't due until May but he had different idea's and on the evening of April 9th my water had broken so I was admitted.After an uneventful labor my son made his entrance into the world and I immediately knew by the look on the Doctors face something was wrong.He was beautiful,healthy and had the unmistakable features of having Down Syndrome.After that the staff's treatment was a little subdued and I was asked if I was going to take him home.Well,why in the world would I not?This is my child  and he's perfect in my eyes.I made him a promise that day that I would always protect him and keep him safe and I did until a monster so much bigger than I came and took him one night when he was 12 days from his 20th birthday.I enrolled Danny in an EIP program when he was 3 months old.I cannot stress enough how important this type of program is.Danny was pretty much on target developmentally ,he walked at 14 months,potty trained by 3,but his speech never really developed past the level of an 18 month old.We never found a reason for it,he'd had problems with fluid in his ears but it wasn't significant enough to cause any major hearing loss and even after having tubes his speech just never took off but Danny had his own ways of communicating.Danny later went on to go to public school whose Special Education programs were inclusive,he was able to participate in some regular classrooms which I think is beneficial in the development of person's with special needs.He had many wonderful teachers over the years.Danny was enrolled in the HS Life Skills program at the time of his death.He was an 11th grader and due to Graduate the following year.I cannot praise his teachers enough for all they had done while he was a student.We were invited to their  Class of 2010 Graduation ceremonies where they held a moment of silence and I will forever hold in my heart that they did this for him.He had spent so many years in school he deserved to have that closure.His classmates have been constructing a Memorial Garden outside the school,they've worked really hard and I can't wait until it's completed.Danny was a truly remarkable young man and I say this not just because he was my son but because of the joy he brought to all those who ever met him.Ask me if I believe in Angels and I will tell you yes..one walked beside us for nearly 20 years♥...In memory of Danny 4/10/89-3/28/09

The 12 Gifts

The first gift is Strength. 

May you remember to call upon it whenever you need it. 

The second gift is Beauty. 

May your deeds reflect its depth. 

The third gift is Courage. 

My you speak and act with confidence and use courage to follow your own path. 

The fourth gift is Compassion. 

May you be gentle with yourself and others. May you forgive those who hurt

you and yourself when you make mistakes. 

The fifth gift is Hope. 

Through each passage and season, may you trust the goodness of life. 

The sixth gift is Joy. 

May it keep your heart open and filled with light. 

The seventh gift is Talent. 

May you discover your own special abilities and contribute them toward a 

better world. 

The eighth gift is Imagination. 

May it nourish your visions and dreams. 

The ninth gift is Reverence. 

May you appreciate the wonder that you are and the miracle of all creation. 

The tenth gift is Wisdom. 

Guiding your way, wisdom will lead you through knowledge to understanding . 

May you hear its soft voice. 

The eleventh gift is Love. 

It will grow each time you give it away. 

My son is leaving..

for Navy boot camp on Monday.It's been a long wait for him,he's been in the DEP program since July and I've had all these months to prepare for his leaving the nest.I am very proud of the choices he's made and the man he's become.It will be a sad parting of sorts,my family has always been close as it's always been just us against the world,but I will put on my "strong"face until after he's gone.Even when they're all grown-up there's still the need to be the calming influence as I know his  leaving will be equally as hard for him as for us.We lost my second eldest son,his older brother, 2 years ago come March.He would be so proud of his little brother.Danny  was a huge admirer of the Marine's ,he'd bring home pamphlet's and  spend days saluting everyone when the recruiter's would visit the high school.Danny had Down Syndrome so you can understand the bitter-sweetness.I know his proudest day will come in 9 weeks when he marches in for Graduation.We'll be there,wouldn't miss it for the world  and I am honored to be able to witness my "baby boy" taking these steps into man-hood as a member of the United States Navy.

Danny hands..

I did a full system deep scan of all photo's,video's on my system the other night.I found pictures I forgot were even taken.Lot's and Lot's of memories hidden in my old computer.I came across some pictures that were actually my boys playing with the Scanner on my then, brand new printer.I remember that day ,it was about 6 months before my son Danny passed away.They dared each other as if laser beams would shoot up from the scanner and render them blind .Danny ..brave and courageous.. went first.I'm so glad I found them..they are kind of eerie almost ghost-like but I can see the lines of his hands,on the scans of his face I can see his whiskers.I miss his gentle ways,his comedic nature and infectious laugh.He'll be gone 2 years this March,he'd be 22 this coming April.Someday my sweet boy we'll be together again♥